Exhaustion...

Can that be the death of you?/ well you do need to regenerate.
Two jobs, school, and relations/Aww, making time will be like pulling teeth.
Man all my eyes want to do is see the back of my eye lids.
Watch the colors bounce around in the dark./the music melody playing in the back ground.
What is this?
I dont know why dont you tell me.../How am I suppose to know.
Work at 7 am, YUCK./Yuck, is so right.
That is torture to a night owl.
Am i changing? When all i want to do is sleep?
Dude, who know who cares.
The lights always go out in the end.

Ive come to my conclusion

Well, its not the end to my journey that is for sure. I feel like I start a new one everyday. But I need more self control in my desires alone with my boredom.../p.s. i deactivate my account and just realized I have friends who I do talk to on there, so i am going to reactivate and have self control/ By the way I need a secodn job again...urghh!! O well I think I need to explore more anyways/ So we will just have to start looking. So.

Tonight shoudl be fun a lto of running around in my head. I need to sort through it cause ive been to afraid to sleep cause im living in fear and not living my dreams the ones I see in my sleep. Dude, Im an energy vampire, that is so creepy, check this out, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqYWslvqnKU. im an energy vampire to the T. oMG, THIS IS CREEPY. now how do i use it? this might be a combo of to much weed and not enough sleep. Wait a minute, wait a minute, we got a lot of sleep this last few nights and weeks. Accents, fuck im cold. Wow, when things get to emotional. Lol i so run, when I get that intense feeling so I can never have what i want when i continue to run from it. this is creepy.

to me drinking is just very sexual, but smoking is so much more... Lol i said this to soem dude...haha haha so me funny funny.

Right round three please. English makes no sense to me, how they spell its gross. many I dont think I CAN REALLY FEEL ENERGY, DO I? what the fuck. finish round two. it hurts. Its moving again. Aaa, I dont understand why because no one is like omg////you make me so mad. ok music, thank you.

yea but all those emotions, I dont think I could handle that. Omg im making excuses not cool. you should know im writing a book.

Im actually talking to someone this is disgusting. Lol, What wrong with you? Your beautiful dumb, shit. lol sorry the dumb one was no fun/

I use the bitch on the ones I know I dont want/can have? whats wrong with you? Your crazy, O and just cause a guy is from some where else that makes him cooler? What the fuck? Or is it really soemthing? You so dumb and like a child sometime byt the way,

Do I want people in my mind? O well you already started it cant go back now damn it.

Four Barrels...

Spirit=beauty.
drunk naked wasted
art school? music? beer? yes!!!!
Im that what she said machine.
In sections you might be able too?  check.

Omg I NEED TO CREAT A SIX DEGREES WEBSITE

Avatar (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) [Blu-ray]Avatar (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) [Blu-ray]
This is such a good movie by the way. You should of ask me if I wanted to watch it with you some time. Man this waiting shit sucks. Its almost making me annoyed. Can I blog? Am I a blogger? AAAA, Omg I could do music stuff. Like talk about music. I am starting to love music. I never did before. I need drinks. I can eat more If I do I write it no matter what because i NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS. sO. tO IT going to be crazy. Im so scared to go to school AND ALl cause it means im finsihing something no matter what this time. I have too. Omg, Im so scared to llive. im so said. i want to change everyone ones mind about me. guys hurt me all the time cause i take it personal, but i think sometimes i need too lol. i want cherries. ok im getting them

College/Teacher...

I want to change the system./wow(black)
wow(Like today? D.)
Miscommunication/I was talking to Dru, what an asshole)
Beats/
A the other me. this one sucks.
I had that one.
I bigger issues. that i'm putting there/
you hAVE BALLS/i LOVE YOU.
gross...

Bike collision

Lol, so all last night i was so weird about going to school today. Ive actually been all nervous liek the whole month of May. Lol cause im a dork!! Well I got to this day well, I had nothign to worry about, because I    didnt even get there. Did I choose this? Omg I hope not I so hope not, cause that is such a shitty thing to think up. fuck how am I going to hoop? Why are we always challenege with things.I wanted to say well you know fuck,  huh? What dru? man I cant believe I got into a bike accident. IM boy crazy, its gross. Man in so screwed.

Pennies

I think pennies don't have very much value to people in San Francisco, because I always find pennies and they are always facing heads up. i don't get it. I think the ones i SEE THAT ARE head up I am going to start taking then and saving them, but the ones that are, I am going to turn over, and let someone else pick it up. I wonder by the end of this year how many pennies I could have. I know one cent is nothing but if I found two a day that is like 7 buck from just picking up pennies. Lol. I know random, but if you open up a saving don't touch and just put pennies in there than you until you retire you could have maybe a nice amount. There I go being a dreamer lol. O well, maybe one day they will all come true.

That bring me too the episode of Glee I watched last night it was about your dreams. Man I think I just need to finish what i have and not get more, get into tea. That could be really fun. I don't know but about tea, just the fact that i like it.

I want to grow something. I want to watch it sprout and come up from the soil it sits in. I want to watch it, like in a move. Like the chick hatching from its egg. I don't think kids are for me they need a lot of mental attention plants just need care. Wait, AFTER HAZEL IS THAT SOMETHING  I can do? I have no idea.  Shit we have 3 hours lets finish this book. and maybe make some art, we have all the time in the world my love.  This is all from some damn penny, I saw head up and pick up off the ground on my way home. Sometimes i feel weird picking them up but really I like collecting pennies who heads are turn up. One day, I was riding, come on now, riding a bike and you notice a penny. I saw four pennies, all with there heads up. Isn't that mad? I think so, Like why don't people just pick them up. Then I thought of myself, cause you feel lame and stupid, but shit it could be the smart thing to do.

All Ive had is coffee too. Lol and food, I think its time to finish this. I think so. So we can start this. I think Im ready, well Im not sure, but I think so.

Its been done, well fuck it who cares. I dont., well I kind of do, but im scared. Seriously, of what I can figure it out.  I am done with the fear. I DONT WANT IT ANYMORE.

Omg I have so many quotes I love it. I dont know where and How I should write about them. I think I should get a few more blogs going to organize it all. But
Page 60, The Beats a graphic history by Harvey Pekar and Ed Piskor, "The dalai lama gave the same answer everyone else did: Drug states are real psychic states but arent ultimately useful to you because you didnt get them on your own will and effort." I think that is beautiful, plus it means there are more ways to achieve that state of mind, you just have to seek it. And it could be more useful, because you've put in the effort to find it. I think that is beautiful. So are the rest of  them lazy or just scared? I guess that is the true question.

page 70, "angel-headed hipsters burning for the ancient  heavenly connection." I love this too. I think its there we just need to make it happen. How do I clue the rest of you in on this? I guess I should start doing myself first right? Lol yea, duh, i just dont want to work for it, but why not. Its not that im lazy? Or am? I like to think not. Fear is the biggest factor, how do i let go of the fear? I just want to learn everything right now. I wish i read faster damn it.

Page 81, "My general theory has been that the word is literally a virus and that it has not been recognized as such because it has achieved a state of relatively stable symbiosis with its human host."
I found that interesting and I dont know why. Maybe cause my issues with communicating, but  for some weird reason that stuck. I would love to know exactly what was meant by this."

The four agreements, Im reading this too. Amazon, lets find it used.  This too " and the hippos were boile din their tanks, which was rejeced by publishers. We have till 2 oclock to finish this book for us to go buy a new one. so lets get to reading. its 1:03 now.

rEALLY William Burroughs is the guy I like, well want to read his stuff, but the rest just helpped him? So confuse i THINK i DOTN KNOW HOW TO READ A COMIC.

pAGE 90. "Scientology was useful to me until it became a religion and I have no use for religion. It's just another one of those control addict trips, and we could all do without those." O my, i really like this one. I think its so true.
Page 91,  "yoU'LL BE surprised to relaize how much control the government has over your life." wow another good line giving to William Burroughs. I like it.  read this book by him, "Cities of the red night."

Kenneth Rexroth, williams carlos willaim, ezra pound. "For the death of 200 whales." Robert Duncan. Theodore roethke, dyaln thomas, and yeats. Phillip Whalen. Robinson Jeffers. Charles Olson. Robert Creely

Page 121, " I write to realize the world as one has testament. I write to move in words, a human delight. I write when no other act is possible." I love this.  I need to go to city lighT books next week so back. MAN i WISH i WASNT COMING HOME i could play in the city this week. MARK TWAIN, the morning call. Henry gEORGE, THE PROPHET OF SAN FRANCISCO. hERLAND, BY CHAROLETTE GILMAN. tHE OCTPUS BY fRANk Norris.

The come down.

So i realized that all  i want to do and be I can do it. I can even do all my writing adn creativity no uplifted but I will just have to push myself to actually do it. I can, Im sad I sent my resume to a hostel cause I wan tot be a front desk person there and They never called and I sent it on tuesday. :(. I really wanted to that job, i need a second one because i dont think im getting enough hours this week. Im scared it will stay like this al summer. Plus when i have less time to sit around I actually make use of my time. Shit I wanted to go to to yoga today and didnt go. I think I can go at 12:30, I hope so, but im nervous I dont know why. i think Id rather starts over after this weekend. I think that way I will feel pretty. I am going to go on my roof soon. I miss my friends. I know ive been more social and stuff lately, but I want to be really social, where every other night so one is asking me to do something.  Im going to be playing around with my writing style. Dude, Im buying a hoop. Im so excited. I need to stop spending money that is what i need to do. or get a second job, I think I rather have a second job. i just want to have so much fun.  I dont even know where to look anymore tho. Im also being scared and of what i have no idea. Man I feel tired. I should of got a coffee to go. I want lemons for later.

lemon water

Qoutes form the article, "The benefits of lemon water":

Lemon and water both have clarifying actions in your body. Both lemon and water help flush outtoxins in your system. Although lemons are acidic, they are alkalizing in your body.  Mine: Meanign the dont create a charge in the body. I want my diet to consist of coffee, bananas, coconut water,  and lemon juice for a week to cleanse, but we need to start off slowly. so no meat anymore, we are going back to begin a vegan we liked it better tomorrow return our very late movies. Deposit checks, pay rent, and  I read slow and havent been able to finish this book or any book. ok lets go.

Damn it.

You people are so noisy. Seriously how am I ever going to be what Im suppose to be if I cant just make mistakes and live. Im not stupid. O my god, Kate nash is amazing I want her CD./shit and everthing is changing/ But i could get famous and be important this way/I just want to be important. I think I could and can be, but I have to be able to follow my heart no matter what kind of mistakes i am going to make. Its my choice and I know, I know, its just cause you care. You really dont think I dont care? I think I care the Most.

I felt you in my legs before i meet you, I feel you in my hear. Tegan and Sara, Nineteen. Now I have to say buy. Ok, so JackKerouac. He was also influenced by Walt whitman, william carlos, and T.S. elliot. Im straving.

what a day

I sleep in until like 2 in the afternoon it was amazing. A coworker let me borrow a book im so excited about reading. And I lived today, I ask a boy out... :)/yes I did, I know, I cant believe it either. We will see how it goes. I hope he says yes, I think he already kind of did lol. Well, Im not going to be afraid anymore. OMG I FINALLY LIVED....yes, maybe now I can actually sleep. Shit im going to be come dangerous, well we are not going to let this get to us. I know what and who i want to be so bring it.

Omg so i jsut applied for a position at the hostel rigth by my house, o i hope i get it. That would be amazing, I would love it. Everything has it ups and down you take it for what its worth, and thigns change. Well shit if i get it, i can sell pot to the foreigners omg hella good idea. i WOULD make so much money, especially if i grew it myself, so i have a good job when i can be taxes than buy everything else with my plant money... yeah, smart. So two jobs always, yea us, maybe i can serve soon that would be great. shit i want school to be down with gosh, i jsut wan to travel and write my book and stuff lets bring it. i want school to be done with..urgh

Omg we are taking notes on here now, It saves the environment and shit. ok im reading, lol the fourth book now, well Im reading THE BEATS a graphic history by harvey pekar and ed piskor.

This IS THe jack kerouac: He loved Thomas Wolfe. charlie parker pandora it. yes, lets go. and dizzy gillespie and thelonious monk.

iM HUNGRY I HAVE TO EAT. IS LATE DAMN IT, I WANT MORE FUN.

now i know why people like to act, you get to let out other parts of you, its fun. fuck the bad is hide. screw you bad you suck ass. well anyways, im getting it. the things we like about other we just suck up. ok so let got, c, her travel, tl, his music o my god and everything, travel, music, r=s, j lol o him, his naturalism, climbing. its the thing they all have incommon? what? man, crazy me. tomorrow if i get a call from them i am checking it and calling them back.

Fuck its cold and i got the snake coming again. he is such a son of a bitch. Ii dont know what it is but its driving me crazy, its crazy it hurts and makes me dumb? huh? wow, now im cold. what if tonight is the night the candle is almost out, im tired tho i dont think i can stay up that late, or tomorrow will suck butt. im cold i need to get into bed, plus its late. man im a grandma. damn it. honey, honey? what thats a song.

watching a thing about tea and really getting into and it reminds me of my interest in weed, weed tea omg there herbs well it is pretty interesting. I am good with tea and herbs. this light of flame is going crazy adn there is no wind in my room. it freaks out when im on my stuff. Liek when i got it right. shit smoke more. this is to intense. i get it, omg daniel is amazing. read fuck. listen to music. i want pizza so bad.