Is there really no meaning...

So I have interesting beliefs. I love and believe in science, but sometimes even science can't explain stuff. Or maybe it can, I'm just not as educated as I should be in the field. I know certain chemicals make us feel certain things, its been proven.

I believe in something higher than ourselves also. I don't know if I would call it God; however, I am not trying to solve that question.  I trust and believe in thought. Thought is a powerful thing. It is easy to manipulate and control. It is also hard to break free of certain ways of thinking.  When you do, your whole world changes. Nothing seems like it cant be done. What does science say about that?

Are coincidence really coincidence?  The probability of certain things happening the way they do is very slim. It falls in the critical value?  I can't live like there is no meaning to life. Until I find it, I guess I just have to believe the meaning of life is to constantly learn and adapt while growing.

In the movie, A Bug's Life,  these flies have a conversation about going towards the light. Fly 1, "Hey, stay away from the light." Fly 2, "I just can't help it. It's just so beautiful." Then Fly 2, gets zapped.

These are the kinds of things we are teaching our youth of today. That if you reach for the light, you'll die. Now that's a crime, if I've ever heard of one. How can we teach people to not love or know to love. To not know how they truly feel inside or at least not listen to it. Or people not knowing what they want from life. That saddens me. To find it,  is quite hard. Many people spend there whole lives searching and never find it. I wish you all the best in finding it. Once you think you have keep reaching for it, the feeling will just get better.

Fear is a thing that holds many of us back. Don't let it trap you. You have nothing to fear. No matter what happens, in the end, you'll pick up the pieces and be stronger. Follow the light, if you listen it's calling your name. 

Managing two

So I start another blog. I needed some more direction than just the journey that is life.  So I started something  new http://bcwmhoms.blogspot.com/, check it out.

Hair styles

It was time for a change. What do girls do when they need to add a little fare or sparkle back into themselves? We change up our look, by getting a new outfit or  hair style.  Not to sound materialist or vane but it's true.

Clearly, I chose a new do.

It's really hard to find a good stylist. Especially, one you click with and trust. As I walked into this classy salon, I felt so out of place. I had my jeans and "All I need is love," shirt on, surround by well dressed older women who would be scared to take the jump I was about to take.  Out walks May, a little trendy Asian, with an A line hair cut, with five inch heels on, from her appearance I knew I was in good hands. She stood out from the rest of stylist and we immediately hit it off.

She asked me why I was going for such a change. I hadn't really given it must thought. It was just something I kind of felt. As looked at myself in the mirror, I blurted out, because of a boy.

She replied, "Wait, what?"

I said, "O no no, I want this hair cut. It's because I was dissed and I need a clean slate." And she agreed and told me she did the same thing. From there the connection continued to build. We bonded over music and events. I left with possibility of exchanging favors when I get my license, now that's what up.

May at Estila, hooked it up. The hair cut was way to expensive, but it looks super cute. Next time we are going shorter, Pixie.

FYI: Look out for the new blog, Boy crazy while wearing your heart on your sleeve.

Whatcha you want...

The journey can't really begin until you have places you want to go.  When traveling without a direction, one just goes in circles. Never building or never growing. But maybe we have to go in circles, so we can wobble into the directions of our goals.

You need to set some first though. See a future, have some wants from life. From all the ups and downs, I've realized it's about what I want bitches!! Not anyone else.  I need to express that.  It's hard being shy sometimes.

I want to add to peoples lives; yeah that semicolon isn't just for winks. I want to help people want to be better human beings. I guess you have to be one first love.

To die happy or having been.

I want to have experienced love to the fullest; yet, let's save procreation for my girl. O don't you worry, I will spoil your little ones like they were my own. This might sound selfish, but I like my body the way it is.  My VJ is not trying to work that hard and get deformed. Plus, they are so cute and fun but they just have to be able to go back to their parents. I rather be a kid than have one. Plus animals are easier to train, they don't say no.

 I want the magic to be there. I'm not trying to force the spark if it isn't there. For everyone sake, let's hope its not a windy day, or at least face away from the wind, duh girl, it's not going to light that way.

I want to own a house in San Francisco. It will be the shit, like out of a magazine, roof top access, hot tub and the works. It has to have that modern minimal look meets green. I love it. Can't forget artsy.

Must have my own businesses. I will  run this city. I just have to show them what's up. It's me son.  Ok ok, more action, less talk. On it.

I want to from my own family and what a family is to me.

I want to be able to do everything I love. Find those directions and go for it. Don't take no for an answer. I  get what want. I just have to work for it and be patient. One step at a time. Baby steps, girl. 

Movie Essay

I'm grateful to be writing you. I think I received the push I needed today. I never realized how much you need to think about yourself and what you want before you can have everything you want. You have to take baby steps.

Some times, I'm not sure I can do the things I want to do. Or may be I am just scared. It's scary to think you have that much power and control. You can have what you want. There are just so many options sometimes.

I guess it's time to go take that test. Am I ready? What if it's nothing? What does that mean? Or what if it comes up with what I've always thought? Then what?

I hope I didn't screw up that in class exam, crossing my fingers.  Whatever happens, never forget everything will work out. Plus this is something you need to work on, pull it together. The count down begins. Two weeks.

Just write it how you want to damn it and it will be prefect. It has to be.

BTW, studying can suck it, because I studied my butt off for 492 on every exam, but not for the last one we just took. Yea, I'm sure you guested it, I got my highest grade on the last one. Seriously? 

Puddle Puddle

What an interesting concept, having someone to cuddle and play with while out at night. When the music is hard and the lights are trippin you out,  human contact is soothing and feels amazing. But  O no, no love puddle of mine. I make river happens. I'm not trying to be the one you kick it with in between sets as your play toy, that's not how I roll. I want something more. We are big deals around here. Unless we are getting paid, we don't just touch anyone for no reason. If I'm touching you, it's because I want to, and like it, no matter what state of mind I'm in. I want you to feel good, duh. And touching is a powerful thing.

Arm candy? Ha ha, I can do that in my sleep. Plus, I'd rather be warm when I go out; let's save that for the bed room, please. I'm not hatin, rock it if you got it girl. Been there done that; that's not how I roll. Give me more of challenge, please. I want something that makes me nervous excited and will put me in my place when need be.

Clearly, I need to teach you a thing or two. I see it now. There is no limit to my love, but it's comes with a cost. Nothing is for free babe. You have to work for what you want. Working gets tiring, so there may be a limit to the amount of effort I'm willing to put in though.

This weekend was eye opening, but I guess its time to move onto the next one :(. I hate waiting for it to come, it takes so long to find one I want. Thanks to all who help made it possible, it ended up being prefect! 

Me time

What is me time anymore? Does your you time consist of you on your computer? Well if so, I'm pretty sure you have facebook open on one of those tabs. Does that qualify as you time than? I'm not sure either, that is why Im asking. I like to think I get a lot of me time on the bus; get your mind out of the gutter. But it's true. Except for the occasional creepy old man, not to many people bother me on the bus. It could be, because I have my headphones in and my nose is in something bond.

I think reading has to be the best me time ever. And hey, sometimes it does turn into "me" time. I don't know why reading does that. Is it that you're comfortable and curled up? Or is it because you're so relaxed and what's more normal than finding Nemo in such a state?

Can you do "me" time wrong by the way? You might not be able to do it wrong, but you can do it better, that is for sure.  Where is my manual? I so need one.

Enjoy your "you" time!! I hear it has lots of benefits. 

Dirtybird BBQ

The season opener happen this past weekend in the park. This photo sums up the experience I had. 

 

Great family and friends, lots of laughs, great music, beautiful people... Playing in the park is always fun but it was more fun with all those I hung out with. I got to see a friend I hadn't seen in months. Reunited with old friends and meet some new ones. I even saw someone from one of my classes, who's name I didn't know until Sunday lol. I love San Francisco. 

Families were enjoying the day party as well, kids blowing bubbles, hula hooping and playing catch.  Sometimes I feel like people at these events are just finding their inner child again. A child was asleep hanging from it's mother's body, one would of thought, "They must of feed that kid a special cookie." OMG, that sounded crazy, I promise I would never do that. The development of a child's brain is to perish and plus the first five years are the most important time during the maturation of the human brain. But seriously, no one would give their kid a special cookie, would they? Or maybe the kid was just tired? I don't know how that child could of slept through that. I guess, it will forever be a mystery to me. 

Ok, the down side of the party in the park was that the line for the bathroom, aka porta potties, were crazy long. Peeing in  the bushes was just unavoidable, I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself, :/.

After the stumble to the bus, the party commenced in the little blue house. With the help of everyone, dinner was made and we rejoiced about the recap of the day. 

Until the next one!! 

Vessel

O, how you found a place in my heart. Definitely not the best venue by far, but it looks nice in there. It's like going down the rabbit hole as you walk down the steps into the dark purple abyss. As the music bumps and the people sway, you grab your drink and fall in sync. The music was on point all night. The DJ's were awesome!! They keep the crowd dancing all night.  Last nights crowd might have played a role in why it was so enjoyable. It was nice to see some similar faces. It was also nice to meet some new ones!

The electronic music scene is like a little community. I love it. Good people with great energy who just want to dance and enjoy the bangin beats. They all recognize one another, dancing while saying hello and catching up with each other all through out the night.

Going on this outing had to be the most fun I've ever had at vessel by far. Thanks to all who helped make that possible. 

Don't mistake my kindness for weakness...

Who doesn't love to please people or themselves? And how do we proceed with this desire? Sometimes you just want to help or be there for someone. I love to go over and beyond when time permits for those who are in my life.  Showing someone you care about them is the best gift anyone can give. Little gestures, such as rides, dinner, and sessions are appreciated more than words can say. Gestures should never go unnoticed as we all been taught.

People who tend to go out of their way for someone or something, normal do it from the kindness of their own heart.  Other times it is because there is something to gain. However, If I'm spending my free time with you, I doubt it is because I'm gaining something. It's because I genuinely think you're  a good person who I find fascinating. I would love to add some kind of element to your life as well. A part of being human is being social and connecting. We should embrace these times to the best of our ability.

The most annoying thing is when someone tries to tell you don't care. Ever stop to think that, that person did care just not as much as you wanted them too? Or maybe, they just cared in a completely different way. But whatever the case, if you need to know the answer, grow a pair and fucking ask.  A good person who has a heart and cares would tell you the truth. Lying is one of the worse evils in my eye, but  it's not lying if you never asked. Not everyone can be as honest and open as yourself, never forget that.

If you care about someone, you should try and show it. Tomorrow is never promised. Embrace and live your life while cherishing those around you. You might not realize how special they are, until it's to late. You shouldn't be afraid to tell someone you're thinking about them. Always remember karma will find you.

Epiphanies are awesome..

Have you ever realized that you were not playing your A game? Ever chase something so much and never get close to it? Well yea, I just realized how low I have stepped. I've spend months going after the same thing and Not seeing any progress.

Is it because we let it take over our mind? Or is because we don't put positive energy out there about the subject? Or, does it just so happen, the thing you are chasing you just aren't going to get? Sometimes, it's time to let it go or  let it morph into something different than you'd envision.

Girl, if you are not respecting yourself worth while you're chasing it, it's time to let it go. You're a prize, babe, so act like. Some would say, “You're so fascinating!” ;)

Thanks for the title Darwin

How well do you play the game?

Have you ever wondered about social interaction? How do we attract people? Once we get them attracted and heading our direction then what happens? Many people will say the game has just begun. Do you have game? How do we get game? All these questions were flooding around in my mind. The thing that marveled me the most was wanting to know when the game was being played on me.

So I looked back into my pass, and thought about all the guys I ever liked. I began talking about it with girlfriends, about some of our guy friends and their game. Then I realized I needed to get educated on human social interaction. The book, The Game by Neil Strauss, happened to have come up. That is when I  went on my mad search to find this book that would lead me into the world of the game. I ran over to Green Apple on clement to grab the book I so desperately needed.

First things first, this book looks like the bible, seriously,  with its leather binding and gold termed pages. Every time I had my book out on the bus or on the corner at the cafe, someone would ask, "Are you reading the bible?"

I'd respond with a laugh and say, "No, but to some people this book is the bible." And it is true, to some The Game,  is their bible. Many of us would call these guys players. According to Urban Dictionary, a player is,  A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex, or a guy who is sustaining supposedly exclusive relationships with multiple girls simultaneously. I'm pretty sure many of you have had some experience with such a man or woman. O, and don't be fouled men, women can play the game just as well.  

Anyways, this book is kind of creepy. I'm not going to lie, this shit does work. I've experienced it and witnessed it happen right in front of me. The book makes some interesting points. Through out all my fun times, I saw some of the theories in action.I wanted to share the experience and concepts. 

Of course, the book starts off by quoting the old saying,  Don't hate the player, hate the game.  Which is a solid point, because we all play it, no matter if you notice it or not. It can be suttle or outlandish, but its there.

"A man has two primary drives in early adulthood: one toward power, success, and accomplishment; the  other toward love, companionship, and sex.'' Do you have to have both of these to be a whole man? Maybe, but who is to say. I say bring on the love, because success will come if you just work for it. 

"A pickup artist must be the exception to the rule. You must not do what everyone else does. Ever" Who doesn't want to be the exception to the rule? I think this is something to live by, no matter what. You always should be doing something someone else isn't. If you're not, where is the fun?

If you are trying to be a pick up artist or play the game, there are a few things you need to learn. "All your emotions are going to try to confuse you, so know right now that they cannot be trusted at all. You will feel shy sometimes, and self-conscious, and you must deal with it like you deal with a pebble in your shoe. It's not part of the equation." This goes with anything you do. You cannot take things personal or let your emotions get the best of you. Keep it cool. 

When if comes to attracting people to you, you need to  make a plan of attack and work it out. "FMAC- find, meet, attract, close." Being well groomed is a step in the right direction, btw. 

It quit fascinating, these guys have created theories, which actually have science behind them. Its kind of creepy. "The peacock theory is the idea that in order to attract the most desirable female of the species, it's necessary to stand out in the flashy and colorful way.' Lol, seeing this in action at an event was too much. We can all see through your stupid attires, big cowboy hat with a necklace and Hawaiian shirt, not cute. 

Just so you know, the pros wait to hit on girls, about 8 to 10 minutes. And the subject to which who is receiving the compliment has to earn it. Wow, so when did compliments not come freely? Or are compliments and being hit on two different things? I don't know, but you could of fouled me. If you're interested in a girl, tell her she looks nice, duh. 

But how do we know if someone is interested in us, you ask? Well, we look for IOI, indicator of interest., which  is when a girl ask if you're single, what your name is, body language, and etc. If you're given three, you're in. So come on give those IOIs. "As soon as you ask yourself whether you should or shouldn't that means you should." So smile at the girl from across the room and walk on over. 

The best advice one can get from reading, The Game, is confidence. "You have to act like you are the prize." Babe, that is because you are, work it out. You have nothing to lose, only something to gain.

Remember to be up front with a woman. "Women actually want sex as mush as-if not more than-men;they just don't want to be pressured, lied to or, made to feel like a slut." This is so true. Keep that in mind. I rather be with a jerk who I know is not the best of guys than a nice fake guy that lies. Be real, love,   if you want to just have fun, let a girl know. You'd be surprised by what you find. But if you want something real, then that is all good too. But keep your intention true and known, because you might get just what you need. She might be the freak in the sheets but classy in the streets.

Never the less, The Game, is an interesting read. If you're social awkward or just need some help, there is some good advice in that bible like book. But there are only a few big points to know; be yourself, and have confidence. The one important thing you need to know about the game is, it's always changing. The best player is the one that can adapt his game  to any situation and handle it calmly with swag. Keep it classy San Francisco, and work it out.

The Andy show

Sounds kind of self absorbed, but I promise it's not. It's hilarious and entertaining. It's the effects of coffee on my performance. This show happens at least three times a week down at the readers cafe. Want to see a girl take it to the next level? Give her a cup of blue bottle and she won't shut up. Hey, she might even do tricks, especially if you tip.

 
Behind the counter, you'll find her dancing to the music in her head, with the occassional singing or talking to herself. If you've seen her without her coffee, times that by ten. If she wants to run a mile a minute, imagine all the crazy things she will say and or do. Have you heard that you can't have anymore coffee? Or I'm about to take your cup, even though you haven't finished even your first cup yet? Coworkers must love and hate me. But hey at least I keep them smiling.

Whoever said caffiene isn't a drug you need to check yourself or check out the Andy show.

Spring Break SF'11

I survived my spring break!! OMG!! No, but on a serious note I had an amazing spring break! Thanks to all  who help make it happen. I had a blast of a time. From dollar drinks to giants games, what a week. But from all the fun comes many things, hopefully only good ones ;).

To recap, You always have to stock up on lots of energy for a week long wild break. That's how it started off.  Day 1, I caught up on some sleep.

Day 2, well that was a little more interesting to say the least.  Have you ever had your finger milked? Lol, I learned how to milk a goat, no big deal. But be careful, because goats get fierce.

Then off to Madrone I did go. Ha ha, what a night. The music was ok, the crowd not my style, but I worked it. I got a free shot of tequila from the bartender, which is my fav, cant complain. The bar had a good vibe. I would go back just cause the bartender was cool, o and to see the art.

Day 3,  When I woke up, I was glad I had an earlier night than I was expending. Off to the holly cow I would go, that's where the pieces would come together. There is a strong community within the world of music and I want to be apart of it. I learned to appreciate again the holly cow, for it's maze appeal and big dance floor.

Day 4, Castro time!! I love the castro. The people in the castro know how to have a good time. The Q bar is the place to be. It's a little on the small side, but their smoking session is nice. You can have a conversation while still hearing the music. But it does get crowded, and at that point its time to take the party else where. Stopping to get some five finger discount candy is always adventurous and way to get the party going. Thank god, for early nights.

Day 5, Make that money. After a hard day of work, the best thing to do is handle your business. Yet again,  the plant never proves you wrong. The food was good and  it was nice to see things don't change much. It is fun to learn people stories and hear their take on things. Always, be humble.

Day 6, Rock climbing. Omg, it was so awesome and much needed. I hope I found me a rock climbing buddy, because it needs to happen.  Can't forget my other family, I got to kick it with the buddies,  that house is the place to be.  The inner Richmond is treating me right so far, but I miss downtown, getting home from being out was a lot easier.  O, but I don't miss the crack heads. Kids, crack is whack.

Day 7, Since business didn't get taken care of last time, that had to happen. Then off to watch the game, I did go. I got to chat with good friends. I'm not into baseball at all, unless it is a game at the statduim, but my girl loves it. I had to support it. The funny thing is I saw our waiter at two events ha ha. I should of said hi, but I'm kind of shy. That bubble needs to break, because shy doesn't get you anywhere in this cold cruel world babe.

Day 8,  Make that money, and take it to the park. I hung out at Dolores for a little while. I was super annoyed though, because the sun went away. It turned out to be beautiful though. I got to hoop on a hill while it was windy, jamming to my own beats. It was beautiful.  I had a blast. Off to the club, I would go. Meet some cool people. I felt like I was in the presence of a rock star. Rock star training is fun. Number one rule, never pay for anything. Well, go girl, work it out. But number one rock star rule for myself, dark whiskey=bad. I don't care if its free.

Day 9, I missed CNS, :(. O well, I had a blast with the bestie. The morning was a prefect start to my day,  both being hung over making breakfast together and than giving you a massage. I love making you feel good. Too bad, we couldn't cuddle together. Would that be awkward? I think not.

The night came, and the end up is where we all meet. The best outside patio ever!! Wish they weren't so strick there, because it would be the best place to go ever. Good place to sit and chill with everyone. You can see the whole crowd from any place outside. The inside is awesome too, with it's round bar. Always feel safe when the main man roles through, I need to learn to stay longer. But the reasons why I leave are pretty good, aka, sleep and work. O wait, day 9 and 10 became one. Yea, I didn't sleep, well I didn't feel like it. Thats how I get down. I pull through and get my stuff done.

But before we get there. I had a great time with everyone. Another happy birthday wish out to the birthday girl! What can I say I just like to dance. But I went home early again, I had to work. I could of keep going though. But when the clock says almost 4 am, its time to go. Thanks girlie for coming with me. I loved our bonding moment. I cant wait until the next one.

After working it out at the cafe, public works was in effect. I can't say enough how much I love this venue. If I could combine public works and the leather venue together, I so would. Magical places. The art in public works is amazing, umm, the whole venue is a piece of art. I love it. The night had the prefect ending to my break. I love you, you're the best!!

That about sums, up my break. Now time to hit the books. Always learning and growing.

Thanks to pathos versus logos for the pressure to keep going. Check out this blog, http://pathosvlogos.blogspot.com/, I promise I wouldn't lose my love for blogging to party. Techno music just rocks!

Yea for good friends. Im off to being the best person I can. I have good mentors and people I look up too in my life. I hope you have the same. This comes with everything in life though. You have to work for what you want. So start to work, babe. To quote GL on FB, "You will make it very far. Just know how to "sell" yourself." So true, so true. Time to do work!

Sometimes you just need to smile

Shake it off, get you're charm on and keep dancing, girl. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so just smile and strike up a conversation. You'd be surprised by what you'd find or let fall into your lap if you just smiled. As Britney says, "hold it against me," I so will. Keep doing you while rockin that happy face :)

Follow your heart

I can't say this enough. I guess I need to start acting upon it than. Thoughts are powerful, and actions are often the outcome to thoughts. Would you categorize talking as a thought or an action?  in most regards, actions say more. People actions and thoughts even have an affect on people and it changes things.

So we should follow our hearts. But what is the heart? Is it something that just experiences pleasure or is it something more? How do you follow it? Is the heart really in your head? Is it something that just interprets chemicals, like the nucleus accumbens? Can we prove it exists, the heart that is?

Is the heart something we are programed not to follow? Logical decision seem to be more valued in society; Yet, it appears  they never make much sense. And appearances don't say much. No one is prefect. LS-you know I love you!! And you're so right, no one is too good for me. Thank you!

You can't give yourself to someone. People are amazing and blow my mind every day. People must pay the cost to receive the benefit; therefore, savor your flavor.  A, you're amazing! You're a beautiful genius who is inspiring.

Life is an interesting journey. It seems to be two steps forward one step back.  There is no evil? Ok, so I'm doing what I do, which is me. Suck it.

Time has run out

Everything has been eye opening.

I can't take this hand me down anymore. Thank you to everyone who is trying to get me on the right path or the path I need to be on. It's time to focus and put in the work. It means more to me than I can say. Enough talk, more action.

I want this. I'm going to get it. I want to be good at school. Can I be a smart nerd who is cool? Being a loser won't and doesn't exist in my mind. It's time because time is running out. I'm taking my education for granted which is not ok. I'm staying longer in school than I need to, to graduate because I want to get where I want in life. Yes we need to let things happen but sometimes you need to make them happen. I need to make this happen for myself, or down the dark rabit hole I will go. I rather take the path that has the light I need to see. Well sometimes we do need to take the risk and just jump in.

I'm wasting money not getting all I need from schol, which isn't cool. Plus not to mention the waste of brain power, and storage. I'm not being efficient with my cognitive economy? I think that make sense somewhere.

Plus I need to be the person I know I can be. What I'm doing isn't enough for me. In that case, I need to give it more. It is true, it's the people you surround yourself with. I want to add to others lives not take from them. There needs to be this give and take, im not giving as much as I normally do. Time to find balance where it is neeeded. thanks again to all who have came into my life. You have a place in me, and you have inspired and pushed me. I'm sorry I haven't been living up to it all yet, but I'm getting there. Thank you

you can never create enough...

This weekend was intense. Everything is just intense, as I like it. But I think I need a break. I need to figure it out. What makes me wake up every morning? Do they call this relaxation? I like to know how to do that with the mind. Thats mediation, as I see. Must learn this, for some weird reason I feel its something you have to learn from someone. I think reading about it might be hard. I guess we will find out.

I got ask about my motivation this weekend, which is really cool. Thanks C, you're beautiful. I dont think about that often. I think about the right here right now and the pleasure it provides at the moment. Yet, this instant gratification is going to drag me down.  I need to find out what my life plan is. Do I focus  on money and stablity or do I choose my passion that is challenging? I dont really know anymore. Ever been afriad to have all that you wanted in life? That power is kind of scary. Do you posses it, heck, do we?

The friend zone

"Friend zone sucks," was the answer to the hang man game that Darwin and I played, which is totally true. Have you ever been put in the friends zone? Lucky for me, I've havent expressed much of this. However, It's really weird being on the other side of this coin. And just like my hang man game stated, it just sucks.

I've been told by some it's best to think that everyone wants to sleep with you. Lol, is that really true? Do we know when people are into us in that matter? Or is just simple, they aren't that into you. I love that my essay is about this movie. Clearly, I need to break it down. Or is it just part of the game? Do people have motivatives? I believe so, yet is it the best way to look at human behavior?

I guess now you must question what is a friend? How do you seperate the two? Is being placed in the friend zone discussed or shown? Body language is a sign. Read the signs, don't see what you want; yet, see what is actually being presented. By the way, Darwin smells amazing, just not today, ha ha.

Good luck to staying out of the friend zone and maybe you need to address your wants clearly. Yay for human intimidate interactions!!

You never know...

Do we really see the truth or do we see what we want to see?  How do the stories we tell effect how people interrupt them or us? I just want to see and know the truth. I could care less what it appears to be. What is it actually? Is performance and rapport all that matters in life? Than I'd rather take a cash course in that. Where do I sign up?

In my eyes, trust is earned and is easily taken away. How do we be what we want to be? I think I still need some guidance, but maybe i just need to listen. I don't know how. Sometimes things are just so relevant to life and other times I'm screaming to see the light. When the beams hit I hope the sensation will waken the one inside. Or are they just daydreaming?

Many people just had their worlds rocked...

An earthquake hit Japan and a lot of people were hurt. There was such an after shock, people here in San Francisco were warned about a possible tsunami. Fortunately, we did not experience anything intense. But I want to take a moment and give my thoughts and wishes to all the people who are suffering from this catastrophic event. Suffering is the down fall to life, but; yet, we still have to experience it. No one else can judge one's impact or quality of suffering. Now let's be grateful for this day. It's a hard thing to do for most, including myself, but maybe you will see the world a little different today. Have a wonderful experience today and pay your respect.  

Facebook Stocking and Addictions:

Man, today has to have been the topper of toppers. I meet the coolest people and had a real college experience!! I love school a lot now :). I think I decided I need to be a lesbian. I want to learn to pick up women. I wonder, if I do the things like in The Game, can I get some? he he. Ok so, I cant take complete credit for this, my creativity aunt wanted to do it, and I would love too. So, shave my head and get a tattoo is what I really want to do. I have no reason not to, its just  I haven't created the prefect crazy tat to go on my skull. But any who, I love this girl, because she said, "You'd look good with a shaved head. People would think you were butch, but you'd get a lot of P." She said the actually word he he. I didn't want to get that personal on my blog just yet. Come on, I don't have very many post. Suck it, I want a chick, or maybe I inspire to be like her, in certain ways that is.  But fantasies rock, so keep on keepin.

School: Freak out moment.

Hey, have you ever loved to do something? Like say, for example, learning. I love to learn. I'm constantly reading about something new or finding more info on things. I spend a lot of timing taking notes in my journal. Do I need to question more?  I truly enjoy learning, whatever it is, I don't really care. But why am I so lazy? Or is it the 15 million things I put on my plate? I have no clue, but reality just has sank in and if I want to do anything worth while in my life I need to step up the A game, literally.  Because whatever game I'm working with right now just isn't doing it. I want to do it. I would love to get paid to do research for a living. Id love to be a professor. But my work isn't showing it. I need to do the work. I don't have any other choice. OK, I can have just one weekend a month of freedom, as long as I am social when I study, and ride my bike. Let's do it. I'm ready to work. Time to hit the books!! 

WHy is it so hard

Treating others how you want to be treated, does that really exist? Because I feel it doesnt. Or maybe it does, its just that when you try changing your actions the other karma is still in effect. Im sorry for all the crappy things Ive done, but you know what it could always be worse. Selfishness and revenge always seem to out win the good. I cant, wont let it win. As I keep telling myself, listen to the heart and follow it. 

Viral blast

Man what a weekend!!! I miss those days of being wild. "Andrea is crazy, but a good kind of crazy!!" lol, this is the way people view me. The funny thing is I'm not that crazy just a little wild, and all over the place with lots of energy. What can I say, some people just can't hang. This is the first post on the go! I've been having a little trouble finding inspiraton; yet, this weekend provided enough. Don't even know where to start.

Being honest and humble is what I learned, well was told to be. I guess I need to work on those.

Sorry to all if I was a flith tornado, but I think I keep it under control. But definitely partook in too may things, too many drinks and inhales. Hey, that's how rockstars party!!! Do we speAk honesty when intoxicated? I believe so, well something was speaking. Ever meet people who are just so cool and awesome, yes that is the best way to describe it, that you can't help wanting to get to know them more? Sometimes things just turn out funny. Moving slow is the way to go, I think I've finally learned.

When you tell someone they are bad, you don't really mean that. They just make you crazy or you think or have been influenced that they could be bad. Not good for you or not a good person. What makes someone a good person? I think we all have badness running through our veins! Where is your badness?

The speed of light....

Im not exactly where I want to be, but guess what, Im some where. Do I appear to be a disaster? I guess if you look at numbers you might think so, but inside I love what I do so...Is it ever to late? Or did things go to fast? I hope time is on my side. I need to put my face in more books and my head on more pillows. 

ever think...

Ever think sometimes your haunted by your past and you will never be able to adapt to things again. To trust. After seeing so much game, how do you still fall for it?

Inspiration

It comes from many things. Sometimes a mix of stimulus over a period of time or experiences in general. You know even a book can inspire, and cant forget music. Shoot even dreams bring about inspiration. It so cool how the mind can play with information.  Strauss thanks for the lessons!!

You'll know when...

He might not be that into you, but he might be. He he. Man what a big circle life is. To make the  story short, life gives you hints along the way. You'll know when he is  into you,  if he makes time for you on his Friday or Saturday nights, no matter how.  Even if the two of you are just studying, on one of the others bed, cuddling, raging at a good party(meaning techno party),  or even coming together at 3 am when it snows outside of the blue stair house.  Cant forget all the art events we would attend, and nonprofit causes we'd help support with our time or money. All the social events we would be the star couple at. Do you know what Im getting at?

The Questions...

Most things will be okay, eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you’ll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you’ll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small quiet room.


"When you meet a man in the doorway of a Mexican restaurant who later kisses you while explaining that this kiss doesn’t “mean anything” because, much as he likes you, he is not interested in having a relationship with you or anyone right now, just laugh and kiss him back. Your daughter will have his sense of humor. Your son will have his eyes."This are quotes from this http://therumpus.net/2011/02/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-64/ 

The mind is the devil's playground and the heart is the cloud that catches the dreamer. The mind can play tricks on you, but its so fun to play in the mind; yet, it can be dangerous So dangerous it can suck your own energy and make you question you. Your reality begins to control you and you lose yourself. 


The questions come in ripples. I questioned myself, family, love, attraction and motives, because of the addiction. This ideal world didn't exist but I was trapped and obsessed with the need to be wanted.


The questions turned into uncertainty and little demons began to rob me of my sparkle. The work is what helped me see the light. Once I began to reach and try, I could climb out of the hole. My arms are tired and I need some help. I'm waiting for that hand to take the risk and a search in the darkness for the arm that is stretching upwards. The reassurance is all one needs to find the motivation to shine and step into the light.  The sky is clear, the sun is beaming and the air is crisp, come on out baby, the energy await you with open arms.

I think Im addicted to facebook someone help me

I dont know what it is about facebook, but im trapped. I want to not be, because I feel it kills my social skills.

Brain Balance

This should of been title, "Just grab his butt."

Today has lead up to a large amount of interesting conversation, having to do with mostly boys. That is the story of my life. I was told today by some male coworkers, "If you want to know if a guy likes you, touch his butt." I have never heard such crazy talk in my life, but hey what do I know, right?

Later in the day, I was asked what I wanted. What do I want? Does anyone know? I think when it hits you, that is when you know.

Until I know the answers to my questions, one must ride the wave  called life. Bring it on!

Intimidation

What a strange behavior we are capable of. Many things can intimidate a person, but the worse has to be when its others or competition.  Currently, my mind is letting this fear of harm or loss cause others and things to become intimidating.

Perfection is never enough. The mind plays tricks whenever you over think actions. School can make one timid when they are working to catch up. Do A's = intelligence? Are beauty and wildness enough? Emotions are a scary thing. O how the mind can go foggy and get distracted so fast.

Simply put, am I enough? If I feel Im not, where does that put me?

What a weekend...

I think I have grown more in this weekend as a person, creature, friend, and many other ways.

 I guess I should just go ahead and just start from the beginning of this journey. This weekend brought about such change and I'd like to start from the beginning because of it. I have had  a rough two years. My whole world shatter when I read a letter. With this letter came a mass amount of change. It cause a repel effect with in myself, the ego, personality, consciousness, mind, whatever it is you want to call it, that letter caused a huge shift of energy. I guess its true what they say, things happen for a reason.

After reading this letter, the walls which held me in so tightly began to fall. At this time, I was starting my first year in college, I believe, but this is not a time line, this is a story. So, my perfect home wasn't so perfect anymore, and along with that, my first relationship was crumbling away.  As a teenager girl, love is all you fantasy about, and I made that person my world, and in my time of need they were running from me. So as all good young adults do, I rebelled.

While rebelling, something I would have never expected happened, my mind fell. It fell for something it had never experienced before. It was a feeling, one could not get enough of. It was like a drug. My mind acted like it was one too. When you have a weak mind, you know, you remember, mine fell, right? Well, it is very hard for a weak mind to fight off a thing, like a drug. Drugs make you feel good during that high. The weak minded people often forget that you do not really need them. However, when even your eyes are fooled its hard to believe the truth.  The withdraw can make one crazy. Not even just crazy, yet question.

What a day...

I loved today. I dont know exactly why. I think it is because I was really social to day. Along with a balanced day, I had a busy filled and active day. I went to blue bottle to do a cupping, which was just the  most amazing way to start the day. Than had a plant burger at The Plant, ha ha. It was pretty tasty and got to see a much of people I loved to work with. They made me feel special. Thank you!! Thank all of you who sent me positive energy to me on my birthday. I really appreciate all the kind thoughts.

Speaking of kind thoughts, Id like to give my positive energy and wishes to the Schaber family. I love you, S. If you need anything, dont be afraid to ask for it. I know we aren't as close as You and M, but Im here for you and the same goes for your sis.

Along with the tasting and burger, I went on a two hour bike ride, from pier 3 back home. I went along the embarcadaro to polk, than headed to fort mason. I road along side the bay until golden gate birdge. I went across and back along the bridge than through the presidio to seacliff and back home down California/Bush. I think I forgot to say on my fixie, o yea!!! Once I learn to stop without my brake, Im going to be mad unstoppable.

Finish it off with a bowl of top ramen at Suzu, where I left my number with the waiter to give to a boy I had found attractive.  Than came home and eat the edible arrangement my mom got me. I love the people in my life.

Peace love and chicken grease

Caved...

I caved last night, I had a pizza and decided it wasnt right for me. When I stay up late, I get bored therefore I eat. I definitely enjoyed the pizza but didnt need it or really want it once i had it. I cant believe I broke it with a piece of pizza haha, man its time to figure me out. I cant keep doing this to myself. Because now my crazy pride is making me want to do it again and just start over. I cant do the taste though. The last cup I had almost bad me throw up. So I think that is a sign. I can do it though. Man the indecision of my life. I think I learn a lot here. I need to learn to cook and socialize. Ok lesson learned, next step getting tune up on bike and being better with my word. And gym membership, maybe, if i can find the one I want to go too.

FML

i CANT MAKE DECISION AND i cant seem to go through with things. When did this beginning happening to me? cleansing and im hating it right now. I think i jsut want to EAT.. I just may. fuck this

Cleanse day 1

Lets just say Cayenne pepper coming out the other end is about the same as it grazing the back of your throat and lips; it simply burns. I really want to put real food in my body though but other than the burning sensation and the flavor, the cleanse itself is not that bad; all that capiscin is keeping feeling good.  My sense of smell I think may also be improving, seeing as how I'm living vicariously through it when food passing by my nose.

I'm coming to realize food had more control of my life than I was aware of; yet, consciously I did not pay much attention to it. I never notice the smells certain foods give off or how something actually taste. Just like my life, running from one place to the next and never sitting down to relax, is how I enjoyed my food. If you can call that enjoying. I never let the delicate  mixture of chemicals sink in or enjoy the delightful flavors one experiences when all that hard work is dissolving on your pallet. If I receive nothing more than  gaining a greater passion for food and all the process that come with, than Ill be waiting for the day I get to enjoy a meal I've made. Until than I raise my class of lemon, cayenne, and maple syrup to other day on the master cleanse.

Is how you spend you new years ever night really how the rest of your year will go...

Ive been pondering this for quit some  time now. I think and hope that it isnt how you spend the rest of your year. I had fun with new people on my new years eve, but I regret not hanging out with my coworkers, because they totally invited me and I wanted to come. I just got nervous and shy, which is so lame. Those emotions need to stop holding me back.

Anyways, I write this to apologize to those coworkers and to let go of the anger I may have with my nye not turning out how I wanted it too. We wont let that be how are year turns out though.

On my second day of my cleanses, this is when it starts getting nasty only liquids for the next 14 days, bring it on. Im nervous cheated a little the first day. I have everything I need just no oj, going to get that today.

I forgot to mention I started the new years off right with two days off work and lots of sleep, hello 2011.